so for awhile now i have been thinking a lot about genesis 15. this is something i wrote awhile ago in regards to it…

it talks about how god made a blood covenant with abraham. any contract or covenant between two parties in that time meant that both peeps [god and abraham, not the easter candy] needed to agree to the terms of the covenant by walking through the blood of the sacrifice. if one person did not fulfill their side of the agreement, then the act of walking in the blood meant that the other person could kill them. so, it kind of sucked if you broke the covenant, because you had to die. god knew that abe was only a man, and as a sinner could not meet the requirements of god powered covenant. god loved his abraham, and so, as a person in love, as a god in love, god not only walked through the blood to show his own commitment to the deal, but walked through for abe. god kind of stepped into his parenting role and took over when abe bit off more than he could chew. you know, like when you were a kid and had a paper to write, practice, a group project, and you needed to bake cookies. god, like your mom, steps in and bakes the cookies on this one. no human could ever fulfill the terms of an agreement with god. and i think god knew it. i think he knew that he just saved abe’s life, since god took his place and a death would be required for the certainty of abe’s inevitable failure.

and here is where it hit me. the biggest item in the fleamarket of grace. this is one of the first times where jesus gets randsomed. he, being god, and god, being he, had to die. abraham was going to fail it was inevitable because of sin, and because they made it a covenant, someone had to die. god loved abe too much to let him face death for forever. he didn’t want him to lose. he didn’t want me to lose. god practically dances through the butcher shop for me. and ya know what, most of the time i don’t even realize the cost, the worth, of what he is doing.

and that is where the fleamarket comes in. you know, things at a flea market are a whole lot cheaper than what someone originally paid for them. they are a whole lot cheaper than what they are worth. but they are still, if not more so, every bit as beautiful. and when you find that perfect item, and you take it home, you fall in love with it. you certainly didn’t deserve the bargain. afterall, what did you do? you just showed up. but its yours. it is the centerpiece in your living room. and everyone who comes over comments on it. it is so you. you couldn’t imagine the room without it. and that is grace. my existance is actually a flea market of grace. i didn’t deserve it, i got it for a steal, and i am still not sure what its true value is. all i know, the blessing of grace that flows out of jesus, is the love i was made from. you can’t separate me from the love of the father. god was so in love with me from creation that he just poured it out into my creation. he tells me of my beauty, and of my worth, and of my potential, and of his truth, with such intimacy. it is like i was made for him. and if i believed that, i mean, believed that with all the kate that i was, i would be living like no one could meet me, walk into the room that i am, and not leave without wanting that jesus, great flea market bargain that he was.

so often i am crapping up the great flea market trunk/coffe table bargain. i spilled some juice on it, store some games i don’t play in it, covered it up with some atrocity made of lace that had my last name somehow sewn into it, and push it into a corner where i forget about it. i forget about this greater plan that i was called here to do. the thing that made the day. the deal i traded my current life for. i embrace insecurity and not truth. i long for how i want it to be and not how it is. i am the central player, and jesus is not. and for the most part, i get a mess. i judge my worth by others, and their satisfaction, and their compliments, and how effective i am measuring it all to be, and it all goes to the crap. of course it does. but in the midst of it, i can’t see it. i lose the truth – i find and only need to find all of my value of who i am in christ – and that is solid. the rest, box it up and ship it to good will. if i really understand the love in god’s eyes when he looks at me, i think that could fuel a lifetime devoted to him. never a self defeating thought, never a sad day, never a needy moment, never a want just to be appreciated and loved on and touched by anyone other than him.

Genesis 15